Im Above It All

May 14th, 2006

last night

5/14/06 12:34 pm

ok so im still in cali and it was going good so im staying until wednesday. yep i have been pretty lazy out here! hehehe! ive seen the family and went daning. its just been a party.

so last night the guy u like(ed) went to a party and well he was dancing with people and flirting! and o yea he found someone else! so im out the door! and he told me that he likes someone else now.....yea it sucks! ah i hate when this happens it seems like it happens a lot, and its allways happaning to me! grr when things get going good for me then they turn to hell on wheels. gosh i feel depressed right now. ahh this is why i dont do relationships i do the friends with bennafits thing and it works just fine for me no feeling attatched to the person! i dont feel like doing anything but laying in bed and sleeping all day............. its like i dont feel like crying but i do feel bad and disapointed

Current Mood: rejected

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May 11th, 2006

(no subject)

5/11/06 10:15 pm

OK so i am having fun in cali and i dont want to leave at all!!! i love it here in cali. Gosh i want to move back here to live..... hopefully i can! The weather here has been so hot, its unbearable! So tomarrow i am going to see matt and maybe jessica
ok so on another note, ok there is this guy and i like him and i found out last week he likes me also! yes!! he asked me out on date for this weekend but im in cali so i cant go! im soo sad

Current Mood: crazy

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May 1st, 2006

(no subject)

5/1/06 07:47 pm

ok so im feeling good today!
all i had was a salad! yes go me! haha. Im going to start the hoodia tomarrow, i was going to start today but i got busy this morning and i forgot all about it! >_<
um ok so there hasnt been any dramma today thank god! my day has been relaxed. although i have lots of homework sence i missed all of last week!

Current Mood: crazy

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April 29th, 2006

(no subject)

4/29/06 05:02 pm

last night was a good night! i feel a lot better about everything! haha im glad that megan came over and we talked!
ehh i feel sick today, and i got my hoodia! ahh im excited i hope it works! i will be bumbed if it doesnt!

Current Mood: giggly

April 28th, 2006

(no subject)

4/28/06 05:03 pm

ok so megan is comming over tonight to try to cheer me up! sence ive been down latly! im actually verry excited.
so our plans include movies! haha all night it should be verry fun.

April 27th, 2006

(no subject)

4/27/06 11:33 pm

ok so my day just got way worse! so the ex-boyfriend just had some girl call me and tell me i dererve to die and i shouldnt be arround. That im so ugly that it is pointless for me to keep living, and she would be happy to kill me, she knows where i live and she will come by any time! and she said stuff like your a prostatude, but your sex sucks. these things hurt like hell and she said i deserved what happend to me when i was rapted! omg who would say that, that hurts so much and it brough up old issues! i mean god why would she call me to say that stuff? what was the point?

Also that im so fat and i need to loose weight! god i have lost 5 pounds in about 2/3 weeks(im 113 now)! if they only knew the comment about me being fat hurt but it just makes me want to loose more weight!
I feel so awful im balling my eyes out! what did i do to deserve this? im just so upset!

Current Mood: depressed

(no subject)

4/27/06 07:50 pm

ok so today i was home sick agin! haha it sucks i hate the flu, i feel so nasty and dirty! YUCK >_<
ok so well i made my ex boyfriend way mad today! haha see his friend wants to have sex with me and i told mike to tell him that i would up for that, and mike got all pissed off and he called me a HOODRAT! im so pissed at him, but then agin i find it verry funny! i dont plan on having sex with his friend, but it was funny to tell mike that!
ok so other than that, my day has been way lame! i feel so awful i broke down i had some chocolate cuz my mom bough me some cuz i have been so sick and i ate it all! ahh i feel horrible i need to go run but im too sick! gosh its driving me crazy!
yep yep

Current Mood: sick

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April 26th, 2006

(no subject)

4/26/06 01:43 pm

allright so yesterday and today i have been so sick! my mom thinks i have the flu! i hate feeling sick. It puts me behind in school, this whole year i have been constantly sick! it gets old fast! By me being sick my grades suffer and rumors start!

So today im feeling good i only ate 6 crakers(i know i broke it) and 4 cups of green tea! ^_^ . O yea i shuld be getting my gym membership this weekend! im way excited yep yep!!
ill update more later today!

Current Mood: cranky

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April 24th, 2006

DUH!

4/24/06 09:33 pm

ok so im doing good! im keeping my goals in my head, and im staying strong! YYYYEEEESSS!!!!! im on my way there!!!!

haha o yea i forgot to tell you about this it has totally escapted my mind. Ok so i have this ex-boyfriend and we have been appart for about 2 months. THE KID WONT LEAVE ME ALONE!! ok so a couple weeks ago he told me he was moving 10 min walking distance from my house! and he really wanted to talk to me about "us" and i told him that wasnt a good idea, so you think the kid would get the hint right? well in his case NOPE!
so a couple days later he tells me he had sex with a girl while we were dating but it meant nothing to him and i was the only one for him. well when he told me this i laughed cuz im over him i dont care!
so then he starts sending me like 5 text's a day telling me how he misses me and wants me back and how he still loves me, i didnt reply to these. he sent them to me about everyday for a week!
then i go to mexico for a week and when i get home i turn on my phone and i have VOICE MAILS FROM HIM! gosh!!!! so later that night i get on-line and he is like i broke up with my girlfriend (they dated a week) and i broke it off cuz all i think about is you! omg this kid is makikng me mad! and that was after i told him a week ago we could never go out agin!
haha so 2 days later a friend of mine e-mails him and tells him to leave me alone ect..., he called her a BITCH! yea thats the way to get me back call one of my best friends a bitch. THen he tells her how i am a prostitude!!! OMG HOW RUDE!! im far from one! so i give him a call and he was like i didnt mean it, i was mad at your friend we got into this whole arguee ment about what he said and he was like fine ill leave you alone forever.
Then today he texts me AGIN! AHHHH he is making me mad!!

Current Mood: impressed

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another day at school

4/24/06 05:16 pm

so, so far today i went to school. haha i know thats really detailed so ill go into more detail!
so i get out of cp(homeroom) and im walking to my next class when i see my friend walking twoard the councilers office and she is crying! so i go with her to go see him. she is having such a hard time now! i dont know how to help her, thats all i want to do is help her! so we were there for 45 min until i left and she stayed there. HER DAD WOULDNT LET HER LEAVE SCHOOL! can you believe that she is breaking down and he wont let her leave. i wanted to give him a call and give him a piece of my mind! i came back too see her there in the councilers office a couple times too see how she was holding up.
i reamber having break downs liike that and all i wanted to do was sleep and be by my self. i felt as tho no body understood what i was going through and they didnt know what they were talking about! But my life has gotten better and its finally starting to get back on track after almost a year. Im still not fulley "healed" but im getting there. i hope things get better for her!
Also im worried about grades at school, i really need to pull them up!!!!
and at school someone who i thought of as a friend is starting to ignore me...hm i wounder what that is about? ahh i need to figure that out!
o yea also haha a friend of mine has decided that i look like the maine character from Zenon! haha ive heard that a couple times but i dont thik i do! my friend actually walked up to people she knew to get their oppinion!! it was so embarasing!

Current Mood: anxious

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April 22nd, 2006

(no subject)

4/22/06 06:36 pm

ok so today has been a ok day.i did get a little scared today, but o'weel. so besides that i hung out with leah today. thats been fun. i feel that her and i can relate on a lot of things, which is good. she is also going through some stuff right now, my heart akes for her. she has it harder than i do. so my plans for tonight include movies and more MOVIES haha i know im way exciting huh? haha
im so excited my mom comes home tonight she she is going to save me from dad and all them. THANK GOD!

Current Mood: giddy

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April 21st, 2006

(no subject)

4/21/06 04:45 pm

ok so im back from mexico! miss me? haha
ok so mexico was interesting!! let me tell you. being in mexico with my dad and his family really did conferm to me that i dont belong in their world. My stepp mom hates me i swear, i am just a pain in her butt. She told me numerous times that i need some help! haha it made me laugh in side. My sister who is younger than me cant stand to be arround me and when she is she is a totally rude. My dad tries to help me out with all of their critisism! Although he tends to make it worse by doing that. I have tried to fit into thier world so many times. when do you just give up? Im at the end of rope, im ready to just through the towel in!
so on a lighter note;
ok well in mexico i got sunburned on my last day there it sucked major! cuz then i had to sit on the airplane witha sunburn! haha but its starting to go away now! It was so hot in mexico i couldnt stand it.i did a lot of shopping in mexico! what girl doesnt like to shop? haha i think i spent over $200 o'well! it was worth it let me tell you. So did you know that there is no drinking age in mexico! HAHA it was fun! what can i say? hm what else about mexico...... o yea i got bit by a retared kid! haha i swear i have like aids now haha. it was a pretty funny story but i dont have the time to get into it now! Also in mexico i went snorkleing like everyday, i want to be a Maurine biologist,when im older so yea the snorkling deff confirmed those thoughts. o yea im also a certified scuba diver if you didnt know that.....
i have to go bye

Current Mood: crappy

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April 12th, 2006

Mexico

4/12/06 09:24 pm

OK so im finally done packing! it took long enough, that the one thing i hate about going on a trip is having to pack and unpack! it drives me crazy! haha
ok so my flight is way early tomarrow ugg! i cant wake up early, i love to sleep in........ i am super cranky when i dont sleep
i hate to fly it makes me nerves i allways get butterlfys! it sucks!!! haha
ok so i need to go to bed!!!! night
o yea i think the hotel im staying at has a computer place! i will se! haha

Current Mood: distressed

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faking

4/12/06 10:54 am

ok so today i faked sick haha! i didnt want to go to school, i needed to start packing for my trip to mexico. im leaving tomarrow im excited mexico=TAN! haha it should be cool!
im also excxited cuz ihave lost weight! i wont look as good i wanted to in my bathing suit, but o'well im getting there! haha

Current Mood: thankful

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April 11th, 2006

Sleep

4/11/06 08:03 pm

i feel awful today i did somthing that i shouldnt have done.o'well i need to get over it.
i feel sick my stomache is killing me! ahh its driving me crazy....haha. i got home after school today and i took a 3 hour nap, latly ive been so tired all i want to do is sleep!
Other than that my day has been lame!

Current Mood: sleepy

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April 10th, 2006

(no subject)

4/10/06 10:10 pm

My quote for life

EVEN IF IT HURTS
I WANT TO HAVE CONTROLE
I WANT A PERFECT BODDY
I WANT A PERFECT SOUL

What do you think of my quote? unfornatly you probly dont know why this is my quote....

Current Mood: gloomy

(no subject)

4/10/06 05:12 pm

today was LAME. school went on forever! i cant stand it most of the time!
i have currently having some problems in my life.....and i have found a way to control some of things in my life....im not proud of them! but o'well, if you have a problem with them GET OVER IT! its my life not yours! i dont want your pitty it makes me sick!

Current Mood: worried

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April 9th, 2006

.....

4/9/06 05:15 pm

my weekend was pretty chil and laid back! nothing that exciting happend unforunatly! haha but o'well what can i do.
Today i went to the mall with my dad,step mom and little sis. it was AWFUL!!! They are all verry judgemental of me! i can never be good enough for them. To my dad im some slacker kid, and to my step mom i am some whore/ slut who has no self pride! it sucks to have them see me that way, i guess you could say it hurts. im going to mexico with them and that should be a living hell! im not looking forward to it all! o'well im going t have to deal with it.

i feel as tho there is no place where i belong! im just an outcast in this world, i guess im not used to feeling this way. Ive only started to feel this way sence ive started to grow up.
I feel as though half of me is missing all the time! and i need to find that other half to complete me! and with outit i am nothing!
For me the only way to find me other half is to meet my birthmom. i know that sounds odd but i feel like i dont know my self, where i comefrom ect..... and she is the only person with those answers for me. I feel i dont belong with my adopted parents, i dont know how to explain it but i just dont fit in!
if i cant meet her there is no point for me to go on, i feel without her i shouldnt be here.

Current Mood: crushed

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April 7th, 2006

um

4/7/06 03:17 pm

ok so today was friday and it was such a long day!! i felt as tho the day would never end! so i took the bus home agin today, the bus still scares the crap outta me! haha but i took it today with leah.
um so leah and i went to the mall...and everyone was staring at us in out uniforms! i mean god havent they seen someone in a school uniform before? duh!!! haha
i also died leahs hair, it was pretty chill! let me tell you.........

Current Mood: thirsty

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April 6th, 2006

All fun and games until someone gets HURT

4/6/06 06:14 pm

Yea i had yet again another bad bad bad DAY!!! ok so the day started off swowing i like the snow but i mean winter is OVER there should be no more snow!!
so yea i get to school and i didnt do a lot of homework cuz i was out late yesterday doing stuff! yea that was a major Drag! so cuz of not doing homework i got an earfull from a lot of teacher! i really didnt need that! so today i had to take the bus home! so i walked to bus the bus stop got my feet soaked in snow, i was dripping wet and freezing!! not fun nope not fun at all. so i get to my stop on the bus so i get off and start my walk to my house. im being extra safe and walking on the side walk and the o wow look here comes a car! and i goes right through this HUGE puddle and i get even more wet!! gosh that made me so mad!!!
so i get to my house and i find that i dont have a house KEY!!!! so i call my mom and she doesnt answer! so im sitting in the raing for about 30 min getting colder and colder then she finally calls and tells me that she hid a key just in case! so i was sitting in the rain that whole time while i could have been inside all warm! but no my mom never mentioned the spare KEY to me! i get inside my house and im all wet so i decide to make some tea. i forgot about the tea the water was boiling out of the tea pot!!!! GOSH DAMNIT!!! so i clean that up and there was still water in the tea pot so i had some tea and without thinking i take a sip and burn my tongue!!!! gosh so now im sitting at my computer and ranting about my awful day!!!!!

Current Mood: cold

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Im Above It All

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